Am I the only person with this problem? I didn’t realize my little project to enjoy life a little more for the next year would come with some unexpected realizations and a few feelings of guilt. I never would have thought that I would feel guilty spending my own money on myself. After all, this year long experiment of adventures was supposed to be 100% fun. After I paid for my little trip to Palm Springs; I was excited! In fact, I was excited to spend everything I set aside in my fund for the next year, then reality sat in. I really felt guilty for spending my own hard earned money on me.

What in the world?? How is this even possible? I am blaming this on my responsible habits. I find it so funny how one can get caught up in routine. Thinking that this is the only way life can possibly be. My routine of habitual saving is getting in the way. Don’t get me wrong, I still think saving and being financially responsible is incredibly important. All my internal struggles to spend made me think about possible lost opportunities in the past because I didn’t want to spend anything. I can think of a few situations which I should have just splurged a little and didn’t. In hindsight, I can now see if I had taken the extra days off for a trip, or gone to a couple fancy dinners with friends; it would not have changed my financial situation today. The thing that bothered me the most was that when I had the opportunity to attend seminars and workshops for classes that really interested me, I didn’t let myself go because of the registration fees. I did not want to spend the money to go. I know I justified it and told myself I could figure what I would have learned there on my own. Now, of course, I still don’t have the skills I could have learned years ago and realize that I missed out on a lot of networking and possible friendships as well.

I thought about this a lot over the week and how to overcome it. I think sometimes I worry way into the future and forget to live in the here and now. I forget that its just as important to enjoy today to the fullest as it is to retire with all the necessities of life. Its important to find a healthy balance for both. Depriving myself of something now may be necessary at times, but if the means are there, indulging is okay sometimes too. I also think that helping others in need would probably make me just as happy as spending that money on myself.

I decided instead of splurging on another weekend get away;  I would buy a few toys to donate to a friends charity that organizes birthday parties for homeless kids downtown and buy myself a new Easter dress. Im pretty sure the last time I had a new Easter dress was when I was young enough for my mom to pick one out for me…and I am sure it had ruffles!